It's exhausting. And exasperating. It pulls at the fabric of your sanity both due to your lack of sleep and incredulity at how a person so tiny can 1) cause so much ruckus and 2) be so visibly tired and not want to go to sleep as much or as immediately as you do. It's baffling. It causes fights among the parents. It's. The. Worst.
I had a few moments--as I'm sure many Dad's have--throughout the first couple months where I felt about ready to throw in the towel, metaphorically-speaking. I had HAD it. It was just ridiculous..."why won't this baby just stop crying/go to sleep/just eat already??!" I am a pretty patient person by nature, but this little girl was taking me to the limit like no one had in my entire life...and I'm including my parents during my rebellious teenage years! (for the record, rebellion via piercing your ears at a music festival does, in fact, work...and will earn you a few weeks of being grounded without TV.)
During one particularly trying evening, it took the sage wisdom of my darling partner of 14 years to make me see the light. "She's just being a baby," Jaime said, "it's not intentional; it is just all she knows how to do." The words were so simple but rang so true. How could I get mad at a baby who is solely functioning on primal instincts and lacks the ability to communicate in any way but crying? In that moment, I almost laughed at myself. I had been so concerned with my own needs and trying to figure out how to get the baby to conform to what I wanted that I had overlooked the obvious: If I wanted to get through to her, I would have to examine the situation from where she is coming. I would have to recognize her abilities and limitations to best meet her needs and, in the end, my own as well. This might be pretty obvious to someone reading this post...but in the fog of new parenthood, it was like the bright sun finally poking through the clouds. I stopped resisting, accepted the reality of the situation, and ever since it has been a much more pleasant experience.
Now, don't get me wrong...it is still QUITE frustrating when she gets up multiple times in the middle of the night or goes through periods where, for no apparent reason, she prefers--very vocally, mind you--one parent over the other. However, now it is understandable, which makes it palatable. And I find I get more in return by dealing with her differently based on this understanding. This directly relates to how we, as adults/coworkers/clients/parents/managers/friends deal with one another. It is easy to get irritated when someone does something differently than you asked or wanted, or offers an opinion contrary to your own, or just doesn't see or value something the same way as you. Often in those situations, our first inclination is to correct them, to assert our own opinion stronger and louder, to try to convince them otherwise. But, by doing so, what are you really trying to achieve? If you want to be right...at least, in your own mind...then you've probably achieved it. But if you really want to reach someone and get most and best out of those with whom you interact, you can't just have your own needs in mind. When we take a moment to understand the people with whom we are dealing--what are their goals? what's their background? what are their motivations? what might their perspective be in this situation?--we gain a better awareness of how we should deal with them and the situations they present. Figure out someone's internal drivers by actively observing, asking questions, and paying attention to their responses and you will have the tools to make your relationships much more meaningful, mutual, and productive. This kind of engagement works in ANY walk of life; you will increase your patience, decrease your stress, and show those with whom you interact that you truly value them...and that goes a long way, my friends. A long way.
Have a great day...and sleep well!
